10.23.08
Where to Start???
Hello readers! In this weblog, I’ll be sharing some thoughts on personal growth as well as some interesting tidbits. Welcome Aboard!!!
The way my blog is set up, with the exception of this post, the most recent entries are at the top . One way to access the older entries is to click on a particular month in the Archives section. There are some interesting stories in there, so be sure to take a look! You may click on a category in the box to your right and it will bring up all posts in that category — for example- recipes or swifts. Or… you may type a topic in the search box and that will bring up any post related to that topic — such as skin care.
And so, readers, I welcome you to Portland Firefly and I look forward to your comments. If you do write a comment, be sure that you click on “submit” to send it to me. I must approve all comments before they appear on the blog, so it is possible for you to send me a personal note stating that you don’t wish it to be made public.
Now, “Buckle your seatbelts for takeoff!!!”
07.10.09
Atlanta Rose
Somehow, women throughout the United States have found my blog. One such woman who was diagnosed with the same cancer I have, Primary Peritoneal Carcinoma, lived in Atlanta.
She was diagnosed the day after I was and was so happy to have Portland Firefly’s blog to read. We gave each other hope and encouragement through our emails.
I knew that she had sever Ascites(fluid in the abdomen). She shared with me that they had removed on three different occasions, 5,6,and 7 liters of fluid from her abdomen. This is not a good sign, I thought to myself, and I kept the thought to myself.
Since I had not heard from her in weeks, I sent her an email yesterday after my chemo session. Her Daughter emailed me back almost immediately. I then began to suspect the worst. Her email confirmed my fears. Sweet Atlanta Rose had passed away on July 5th.
The important things to me are:
We were diagnosed the same day. She only had 3 1/2 months after she was diagnosed. I can only surmise that her cancer was farther along at diagnosis or perhaps she didn’t respond to the Chemotherapy drugs as well as Portland Firefly.
We JUST NEVER KNOW what the plan for our lives may be.
I am reminded of the horrible aggressiveness of this deadly cancer.
And that brings me to the fact of taking every opportunity I have to educate women on the deceptive signs of this aggressive cancer.
In the shower, Portland Firefly cries sparkling tears for a cancer sister she has never met. We were diagnosed the same day. It could have been me. I too most probably will sucumb to this disease. I am sad, but so grateful for my healing to date. But how much time will I have? I am submitted to God’s will in this, but ever hopeful that He has given me a mission to accomplish and that He will give me the time to complete it.
Marnie, My deepest sympathy to you and your family on the passing of your Mother. I am so sorry that you and she had to go through this and that you didn’t have more time together. My deepest condolences. I am so sad for you today and I’ll be thinking of you tomorrow during her funeral.
Good bye Sweet Atlanta Rose
07.09.09
A Dear Friend
There is no friend like an old friend. Especially one that you have lost contact with, yet wanted to talk to again. I had such a friend and she re-entered my life this last week.
When I found out that I had Primary Peritoneal Carcinoma, I sent out an email to many friends to let them know about this change in my life. Expectedly, a few emails were “undeliverable”. One of the undeliverable emails was a great disappointment to me because I dearly love this woman. I so wanted her to know what I am going through and to visit with her again but I guess it was not to be.
Louise came into my life back in the 1990’s when we met in a Senior dance group. I wasn’t old enough at that time to be considered a “senior”, but they let me dance with them anyway. There came a time when I needed to go on a trip somewhere and I was looking for someone to dog sit my precious little white ball of fluff. I recalled that Louise had a little dog of her own and asked if she would be interested in a business agreement in watching my little dog for a few days.
Well, the agreement worked out great and she and her husband soon started watching my pet whenever I had to go to work. I was a Flight Attendant at the time and they would have my dog for several days at a time while I was gone. Her kind husband would even come to my home and pick her up for me.
Over the years we became very close and I still consider her to be one of my dearest friends even though she is closer to my Mother’s age than she is to mine. We always had a lot of fun together, no matter what we did because she is such a vibrant, outgoing woman who likes to have a good time. After her husband passed away, she eventually moved to a far away city and the emails became very infrequent. She then moved three other times, and changed email servers and I lost contact with her. Until last week.
Last Friday evening when I went to the mailbox, there was a mailing envelope with something soft in it for me. I looked at the return address because I was not expecting anything from anyone and I wanted to see who it was from. It was from Louise!!! I could hardly wait to get home and open the package. Not because I wanted to see what was contained in the package, but because I wanted to read the little note that I hoped would be inside. But no note was included and I was disappointed.
But then I looked at what was inside the package. I couldn’t believe what I was looking at. On the walk home, I could tell that the package contained something soft and I thought that perhaps she had come across something that had something to do with something we did together and she was sending it to me. But I was not prepared for what she had actually sent me. It was a fabulous purple wig!!! In that instant I knew that she knew that I had lost all of my hair to the Chemo therapy of my cancer treatment and that she had to have read my blog to know all of this. I am laughing (at the wig) and crying(because I am so happy to hear from her) and crying because she knows I am sick and laughing because she sent me something so fun.
We were back in touch again and I would not let this chance pass. I immediately wrote her return address in my new address book. I then sat right down and wrote her a thank you note. It wouldn’t get mailed until Monday because of the July 4th holiday, but this most important note was already written and ready to be sent off.
It was several days later that my dead computer was fixed and I was able to access my emails. There was one from Louise in there. From the return email address, I see that she has changed servers yet again. Her email has been in my inbox for almost a week — the length of time that my computer has been out of order. But I am thrilled to have her email address. I send a quick reply thanking her and asking her to be sure to give me her phone number and I forget about it.
Two days later, I am sitting at my computer, trying to get my files back where they belong and waiting for Dell Tech Support to call me back when the phone rings. I do not recognize the Caller ID number and almost don’t answer the phone, but I do. There is a strange voice on the other end and she asks for me by name. It is Louise! We have a wonderful, emotional, fun, serious conversaiton for about two hours. We are back in touch and will stay in touch now.
As we travel through our lives we will have many acquaintances and several friends, but only a few will touch our hearts in that special way. Louise is that kind of friend for me and I love her.
07.08.09
Eyelashes
If you have been keeping up with my posts, you know that with the strong chemotherapy drugs I received, I lost most of my hair within 2 1/2 weeks after the first dose. I felt OK about the possibilityof losing my eyebrows because I had them permanently applied many years ago. They started falling out about 6 weeks after my other hair fell out so I had a little time to adjust.
I also joked about having a new set of false eyelashes “at the ready” just in case I lost mine. At the time, my eyelashes were still visible, and I really thought that I might be that one person who didn’t loose their lashes. Well, several weeks ago, it became evident to me that they were beginning to thin out. But I still had enough that I could see them and could put mascara on them so you could see them too. But sometime last week, I noticed that I had no eyelashes that I could see. It felt like there was still something there so I tried to put on some mascara. Just a tiny little stubble for eyelashes. And to make matters worse, there is a new product that Brooke Shields is pitching in commercials to make your eyelashes grow “longer and thicker”. Talk about making someone feel even worse!
Now I have one eyelash on my right eye and no eyelashes on my left. I did try to put mascara on before I went to church today, but it was useless! I have not tried the false eyelashes yet; maybe I will later on this week. I have a party to attend on Saturday afternoon and I would like to look good if I am well enough to go. In the meantime, I pull a “Jackie Kennedy” when I go out … a head scarf and big sunglasses. And I thank God for my wonderful doctor, cancer treatment options, and the fact that I have my eyesight even if I do not have eyelashes.
07.07.09
Sleeping Beauty
The children’s production of Sleeping Beauty will be presented this week at the Broadway Rose Theatre on July 8, 9, 10, 11 at 11:00am Tickets are $6 each and seats are reserved in the air conditioned auditorium. The production will last 60-70 minutes with no intermission which is just perfect for children. Visit www.broadwayrose.com for more information or call (503) 620-5262 for tickets.
07.06.09
Italian Teen Trio
Ok. If you want a few minutes of music and culture and entertainment click here for this handsome trio of Italian teen boys. They really brightened up my day and inspired my soul.
Presenting : ( Dut, du-du-u-u-u, dud duh, dut du duh!)
Trio Ginoble-Boschetto-Barone – “O Sole Mio”
A Great Fourth
This Fourth of July is one of my top 5. And my Family is the reason.
Usually (when I am feeling well) I go over to their house, because it is easier for them because of the baby. They usually come over to my house to check on me when I am sick because of Chemo side effects. This means that I am usually lying in bed and don’t get dressed when they are here because I am feeling so unwell . I just sit and try to enjoy the fabulous medicine they brought me in the form of my precious Grandson. He is indeed the best medicine ever! And I always feel energized after their visit.
But this July Fourth was different. I made some salads and had some appetizers and they came over and cooked the main course –brats and hamburgers. This freed me up to play with my Grandson and have some fun with him. This is my week off of Chemo and I have felt pretty good and even had some energy so it was so much fun to play with him.
While he was here, he and I walked over to the side of the house where the garden is and cut some mint for our homemade lemonade. He put it in each glass. When we had dinner, he had his first “ olive on his finger”. He was so delighted with it and we all were laughing at his delight. He just thought that it was so totally cool to put that olive on his chubby finger and then eat it! Later on we played “Roll the ball to Mommy”. Another first that thoroughly delighted him… and us, too!
Another thing we did was to look at some little picture albums that I have of just the four of us… all people he knows. I went through the picture albums and showed him himself, and then Mommy and Daddy and Grammy. Initially we were sitting on the floor, but then he climbed into one of my big chairs and then sat there just as proud of himself as could be. Just sort of like a little king! Then he made the sign for “more” meaning that he now wanted to look at the picture albums again while he was sitting the the “big chair” by himself. I just love watching him grow and change. I am so glad that I am here and able to enjoy all of the magnificent love and joy that he brings — My Precious Grandson.
After dark, I watched the neighborhood fireworks while enjoying a root beer float! A great Fourth!!
07.04.09
Happy Fourth of July
I just want to wish everyone a very happy Fourth of July.
I hung my flag up yesterday and will leave it up until at least Monday. I love to fly it! I also have some red, white & blue ribbon bows that I hang on the coach lights on either side of the garage door — very festive! Today, I have been playing patriotic music on the CD player and we will have a family dinner later on. We are in the middle of a heat wave here in Portland — so we will cook the brats inside where it is air-conditioned. I am such a wimp, besides I don’t own a barbque.
Just for your information, if you care, a heat wave here is defined as 3 or more days in a row where the temp reaches at least 90 degrees. My car said 102 a few days ago, but that is not the official temperature. It is supposed to be at least 95 today and cool down to about 78 for fireworks tonight. AND it will be almost a full moon tonight, too. I hope you enjoy your evening as much as we hope to enjoy ours!
Where Have I Been?
I think that this last week is the longest that Portland Firefly has not posted something new for you to read. And this time everything was NOT alright!
I have been feeling very well but my computer died! It had “The Blue Screen of Death” and it has taken Dell an entire week to just get me back online. More about that in another post. I have so much catching up to do and just wanted to get a brief note off to you so you know what happened.
06.30.09
Shredding My Life
One of the things that I have needed to do was to go through old files and purge them. I shred everything and so this means that my trusty shredder has sometimes been working overtime.
Shredding old bills and medical statements is a no brainer and I just keep putting them into the shredder.
But then … there are “the times of our lives” that I have saved in my files. These are the papers that bring up long forgotten emotions. I am amazed at how easily the heading on a piece of paper can re-ignite all of those many emotions that I thought I had “worked through.” I pause and I take a deep breath. I shouldn’t be surprised when I see these papers, but I had forgotten about them. Why do I have to remind myself to breathe… and deeply? It is as though I have to remind myself to live. Yes, life does go on. My life has gone on after all the havoc that these papers caused. Wow, I cannot believe the depth of pain and emotion that this wimpy piece of paper brings out in me. I so hated the pain then and I do not like being reminded of it now, either.
How will I feel after I shred them? Should I shred them? Do I still need to keep them any longer? Can I let the emotions that are wrapped up in these papers go away forever? And the bigger question … Do I want to let go of these emotions forever? I need to think about that for a few days… or a few weeks… or a few years. I am not in any hurry to cut loose of these ties yet. Or at least I wasn’t. This horrible Cancer has challenged me to do things now, so my children will not have to deal with them afterwards. It isn’t fair for me to leave them to sort through my life. It is my life and it is my job to clean it up as much as possible while I can.
I want to go on with living. I do not want to be burdened down with a bunch of paperwork. And there is my answer. I have made the intellectual decision to shred all of them. I do not need to be reminded of anything unhappy. I have chosen love and life and harmony instead of dischord.
06.29.09
TV Church
One of the things that I like about my new Chemo schedule is the fact that I have felt well enough to go my Thursday night Bible Study. Except for this last week. I was just too tired to go out. ”That’s OK”, I thought, “I should be able to attend church this Sunday.” Well, today is Sunday and I didn’t make it to church today.
I got up and took my shower, then had to lay back down for another rest. By then I realized that it was futile for me to try to go to church. “If I am this tired”, I thought, ” My immune system is probably pretty low and I might be better off NOT being around strangers today. Besides, I just don’t really feel like it. I am just too fatigued.”
So, I went into the kitchen to fix myself an easy bite to eat — just cold cereal and fresh fruit today– then I sat down and turned on the TV. I quickly found a palatable TV minister and watched TV Church from my recliner while I ate my breakfast.
It was more about being fatigued than anything else. I just feel so very tired …yet not tired enough to nap, but having the feeling of being totally drained of energy. Even, my high powered vitalmins don’t seem to make a dent in the fatigue. This is the type of day where I just lay around. I try to do one or two little things and then I look for reasons to just sit in the recliner…. tired in mind and body.
“There is a time for every season….” This is my season for healing and being fatigued is part of that process.
06.26.09
10 Year Low Tides
Oregon is experienceing extreme low tides at this time. If you have not had the chance to go to the Coast, this would be a great time to do so. The weather is perfect and the Oregon Coast will be revealing special treasures for all to see (don’t touch –protected environment) at low tide. Be sure to check the tide tables for the beach city you want to visit. http://www.oregoncoasttidetables.com/
A word of caution —Oregon Coast Guard warns —never turn your back on the ocean –be sure to watch out for “sneaker waves”. An Oregon man’s fiance drowned just after he asked her to marry him on Proposal Rock when a sneaker wave washed her out to sea. Her remains were never recovered. http://www.kgw.com/news-local/stories/kgw_120408_news_bride_swept_away.2e2db193.html
The clue that a sneaker wave is coming is a large withdrawal of the ocean after a period of smaller waves,” Horning said. “The withdrawal represents a magnified trough preceding a magnified peak – a big wave – that is following. If the ocean pulls out an abnormal distance, keep an eye on it and plan your escape route – if you are in an area that can be flooded by the coming big surge.” http://www.beachconnection.net/news/swave110907_812.htm
“Another trick to estimating if a site is safe is to stay on dry ground, as that site should not get swamped by waves,” Horning said. “But this only works if the weather is dry. If it has been raining, you have to study the site to see if it has foam or bits of debris from waves. You should also keep in mind when the tide will peak. A site can be dry early in the tidal cycle, but can be hit by waves as the tide rises. Caution and a close eye on the ocean is needed.
Remember the sunscreen!!
“Foolishness has killed not only the fools, but those who try to rescue them.”
06.25.09
My Favorite Commercial
Since my energy level is lowered, I “rest” frequently during the day. This usually involves turining on the TV and watching a talk show and then getting on with whatever I can do for the rest of day. I have a favorite commercial that makes me smile everytime I see it.
It starts off focused on one average-looking, neatly dressed young man. He is sitting at a table and we only see his face and chest. He looks directly into the camera and says simply ”my name is Robert Bowen and I have 227 million dollars in the bank.” He then smiles and as he does so, he “morphs” into a VERY HANDSOME young man. Then a Powerball ticket obscures his face. I always let out a chuckle as I think to myself, “Yes, 227 million dollars would make any man more handsome.”
Disclaimer: Portland Firefly does not play “games of chance” (other than love) and she does not encourage others to do so.
06.23.09
How to Sharpen Scissors
Here is a little household hint that I want to share with you. To sharpen scissors, simply take a piece of aluminum foil and cut through it with the scissors. It not only cleans off your scissors, but they will be noticibly sharper immediately.
Oh, please be sure to recycle the aluminum foil!
06.22.09
New Chemo Protocol
Initially I was receiving a mega dose of Chemo drugs once every three weeks. The side effects were severe.
Now my new Chemo protocol has been to split up the drugs into three doses, which I’ll receive once a week for three consecutive weeks; then I’ll have a week off.
Last week, I started the new regimen and I have been waiting until after my second dose to see if I might like the new schedule. Well, I had my second dose this last Thursday and I think I’ll like this protocol a lot.
I was still pretty sick the weekend after the first dose ( a powerful effective drug with strong side effects) and so I kept my decision until after the second dosing.
Well, last Thursday, after the second dose, I felt pretty good. But that is the standard… I usually feel pretty good until Friday and then Saturday, Sunday, and Monday are usually “difficult”. Well, today it is Sunday afternoon and I am feeling great. Not even good, better than good, yes, I am feeling great compared to how I normally feel after Chemo.
And so, as of now, I am loving my new Chemo schedule because it is allowing me to feel well enough to do a few small things on a daily basis. Yes, I still get fatigued and I have all of the other “lovely” side-effects that come along with Chemo, but they do not appear to be so debilitating at this time and on this schedule..
06.21.09
First Day of Summer
Today is the fist full day of summer and it is also the longest day of the year…. and the shortest night of the year.
06.18.09
Father’s Day Reminder
Portland Firefly would just like to remind you that Father’s Day is this Sunday, June 21st. Instead of buying him a card, why not wrtite your Dad a letter and thank him for all the things that he did for you? I’m sure that will stay with him a lot longer than a card, unless of course it is “the perfect card”.
06.17.09
Hair! Well, Peach Fuzz….
As you know, when I started Chemotherapy for my just diagnosed Primary Peritoneal Carcinoma three months ago I was told that I would lose all of my hair before my second chemo session three weeks later. And I did; but not before enjoying almost two weeks of vibrantly dyed purple hair!
I was told that my hair would begin to grow back in about 6 weeks after my final Chemo session which will be sometime in November. But, I was not prepared for what happened last Sunday night.
OK…here is the time line. I had my third Chemo on April 30th. Then I had surgery three weeks after that. Three weeks after surgery, I started Chemo again. It had been six weeks since my previous Chemo when I started Chemotherapy up again and I didn’t think anything of that….until Sunday night.
Saturday morning, I thought that I noticed that my head didn’t feel as smooth as it had the last several weeks. It sort of feels like hair when I rubbed my head. Can’t be, I thought. But I felt something every time I rubbed my flattened palm lightly over the surface of my head. Still, too sick from my Chemo on the previous Thursday to really care I laid back down in bed and took another nap.
Had something really changed? It felt sort of like peach fuzz, but I didn’t want to believe it. Finally late Sunday night, convinced that I was not hallucinating and that I really was feeling “something”, I decided to look at it the next time I was in the bathroom. I avoid looking in the mirror because my appearance has changed so much and my appearance is still sort of shocking to me. I feel young and beautiful and happy and content and grateful. I do not look the way that I feel. I look like I am sick and I do not want to think that I am sick, so I do not look at myself in the mirror anymore, unless I have to.
I remove my little “lovingly knit for me” cap and look in the mirror. I lightly pass my opened palm over the top and sides of my head. Yes, I can still feel something. There!!! On the very top of my head…. are three hairs. (Sounds like a fairy tale! – The Three Hairs!). After very close inspection I see that they are surrounded by shorter peach fuzz all over my head. Can this be? I look again, a faint smile begins to cross my lips. It IS real. I can’t help my genuine smile, nor do I want to. Tears begin to well up in my eyes, tears of gratitude, tears of unbelief. I didn’t realize until that moment just how much I really do miss my hair.
Missing my hair…. that is something that I never thought would happen. Now you need to realize something about my hair. I do not have great hair. I do not even have good hair. I never did. I had hair. Just regular old, thin, fine, difficult to make look good, necessary to curl daily, hair. I did not have fabulous, gorgeous, enviable hair. I had hair. Period. Just regular hair. But when I saw the possibility that this “peach fuzz” presented to me, I was unmistakeably happy. My mood lightened. (Had it been dark all these months?) I actually felt happy. And I haven’t felt genuinely happy the last three months unless I was lost for a few minutes in the preciousness of my Grandson.
Then I start thinking. Hum-m-m? I just restarted Chemo…. Will it stay in? Probably not. How fast will it fall out? hum-m-m? You know, I don’t care what the answers are. I am just enjoying the way my head looks with this tiny bit of peach fuzz on it and how good it makes me feel. I can’t believe the boost this bit of fuzz has given to my morale. And I didn’t even know that I needed a morale boost!
Today it is Wednesday and my male nurse calls me. Well, since he is on the phone I tell him about my hair starting to grow in and ask him what he thinks will happen; especially since I restarted Chemo last week and will have my second Chemo tomorrow. He confirms my most intellectual thoughts on the subject. It probably will fall out, but at a slower rate than it first did. I am not surprised. It is the answer that I expected to hear. I can live with that.
But for today, at least, I HAVE HAIR! ( read that as ”barely visible to the magnified eye… peach fuzz”).
And almost better than that, I have confirmation that my hair will be starting to grow back in six weeks after I complete my series of Chemo therapies in November or December!!!!
I again have hope. A glimpse of the possibilities of my future. Thank you Dear God, for that glimmer of hope. I needed it, and what is more important, I didn’t even know that I needed it, but You did.
06.13.09
My Hair
As my regular readers know, I lost all of the hair on my head (which I had dyed a delightful vibrant purple) less than three weeks after my first Chemotherapy session. I just thought that would be the end of it. Not so…..
First of all, my dear friend in California warned me that my head would hurt prior to my hair falling out. That was really nice to know. Chris then let me know that I should be prepared for all of my hair to fall out — not just the hair on my head, but all body hair. No hair under my arms, no hair on my legs (makes for a nice smooth summer) and no hair on my arms (even though I don’t have much hair there to begin with). Those are the good points.
After my hair started falling out, I had my head shaved to eliminate the mess of hair all over everywhere. I thought that would be the end of it. It was not. I started getting little bumps on my head and I couldn’t figure out why. I am not sure the reason. I started washing my head with shampoo every day and that has helped. Even though I didn’t have any hair growing, I think my hair follicles still produced some oils and they need to be shampooed off of my bald head. So, I am not saving any money on shampoo by losing my hair. Besides it feels good to have the water pouring over my head. Sometimes I even pretend that the sheets of water coming off of my head are long golden tresses and I raise my chin and shake my head in that sexy way and for just a few seconds, I pretend that I have hair again. And it feels really good.
Now, about 6 weeks after loosing most of the hair on my head, I find that I am also loosing the hair on my face…. No, I don’t have a beard or anything like that… You Silly Goose!!! But I use to have eyebrows and eyelashes. Please note the past tense that I used here. I was not prepared for my eyelashes and eyebrows to fall out. Lets say that I can cover up my hairless head, but not my missing eyelashes and missing eyebrows.
Enter the world of cosmetics. I have a medical condition that caused my eyebrows to thin considerably many years ago when I was still working for TWA. Since appearance was an important part of my position as Flight Attendant, I invested in permanent cosmetics. In English, that means that I had my eyebrows tattooed on, permanently. And the artist who did them did an incredible job. If you didn’t know, you wouldn’t have known. I also had my eyeliner done at the same time. Yes, it hurt. Yes, one must have touch-ups done every several years. And yes, I did have the touch-ups done on a regular basis, which was a good thing. A very good thing when I was diagnosed with Cancer and needed Chemotherapy.
This was a very good thing on several levels. One, when you have cancer and are undergoing Chemotherapy, you are more prone to infections and your blood doesn’t clot very well. That means that even if you wanted to invest in permanent cosmetics, you cannot do so when having Chemo because of the dangers of infection and blood loss. Luckily I had a touch up done early last summer. My girlfriend told me that she had a difficult time applying eyebrow pencil after she lost her eyebrows due to Chemo, because she didn’t know where her eyebrow line would have been. Since mine are tattooed, I can at least find the general outline of my eyebrows. And that is a good thing.
Now for the eyelashes. My friend , Chris made the following comment, and we both laughed —because what else are you going to do?! She said that she continued to put mascara on her one tiny remaining eyelash. Well, I am prepared for that upcoming event in my life, thanks to her. I purchased a set of false eyelashes, complete with glue and a special “eyelash applying tool”. Back in the 70’s everyone wore false eyelashes — well everyone I knew anyway. I was a Flight Attendant, remember? And applying false eyelashes is an art in itself. They are the last thing that you put on after doing all of your make-up. And you have to develop a special technique in order to get them to set just right on your eyes. I still remember “my arm extending outward and upward then curving carefully into the base of my lashes” technique that I developed over the years. It is sort of like a ballerina’s port-de-bra (French for carriage of the arms), which is a ballet arm exerecise . I do like beautiful things in all aspects of my life and this was a sort of a last dance before I went out the door for an event.
I wonder if I’ll be able to actually apply a set of false eyelashes when the time comes. I am loosing my lashes more frequently now. Of course, they are not growing back in, because the Chemotherapy drugs are killing all of the fast growing cells in my body. Hair being one of the bodies fastest growing cells. And so daily the time is getting closer that I will want to wear my purchased eyelashes. I’m sure I remember how to put them on with a few days practice. And then maybe I’ll feel beautiful again.
06.12.09
CA125 News
OK, you know that the CA125 is the definitive test for Ovarian and Primary Peritoneal Cancers. A reading of 30 or below is considered normal.
My initial CA125 (3/13/09) was 2000. One week later (3/20/09) it had gone up to 2577. Yes, this cancer was out to kill me. And it would have if I hadn’t sought treatment when I did.
Three weeks after my first Chemo it was down by half to 1244. Pretty remarkable, I thought, and so did my remarkable Doctor.
Three weeks later after Chemo number two, it had miraculously dropped to 83! Remember normal is 30 or below and I started out at 2577.
After Chemo number three, and just before my surgery, my CA125 was 15.7! Whoa!! That is is in the normal range…but I didn’t feel normal. After my space-age technology surgery with the DaVinci Robot, my Doctor prepared me for the fact that for some reason the CA125 levels usually go up after surgery .
My CA125 was drawn just two days ago and it brought up some unexpected emotions for me as I wrote in my last article.
Today, I was told what my CA125 of June 9th was…. Do you want to guess? No? Oh, go ahead… guess. You can guess any number you want. I was emotionally prepared for just about anything up to 1200, hoping it was no higher than 400 -600, but wanting it to be much lower, of course. Was I surprised! OK, now take a wild guess… You don’t have to tell anyone your guess, so you can’t hurt my feelings…. Really, it’s OK…. Are you ready to know the number yet? …. Of course you are!
It was an unexpectedly low 12.8. 12.8!!! 12.8!!!! My Doctor keeps telling me to not put too much energy into the actual CA125 numbers, but to look at the trend they are presenting. Well, I don’t care! 12.8 is pretty darn low. If you look at the “trend” … then my CA125 level continues to decline into the normal range. And there is nothing wrong with that! If you look at “the numbers” … it is still very good news as far as I am concerned.
12.8. Golly, does all this give me hope! I am feeling like I can breathe easier (figuratively speaking). Watching my Grandson go to that first day of kindergarten 5 years from now seems like I can stretch out my arms and almost have it within my reach. My long term goal is at least beginning to come into clearer focus. It is no longer a cloudy unformed thought rolling around in my brain. It is starting to take shape and have focus as I see this delightful child turn and wave to me as he goes into his school five years from now.
CA125 levels — From 2577 to 12.8 in just two and 1/2 months. No wonder I am tired. My body has been fighting overtime in killing this horrible cancer in me. But that’s OK body… right now we are winning!!!!! Carry on Procession of the Nobles (my Chemo song); go and get those bad boys!!!
06.11.09
Blood Draw
As you know Portland Firefly has been taking Chemotherapy. My Doctor checks my blood every week to make sure I am doing OK. The Chemo drugs attack and kill not only the cancer cells, but other cells in my body, which is why I lost all of my hair. The bone marrow is where blood is manufactured and the bone marrow is also attacked by the Chemo drugs; this is the reason for doing the weekly blood tests.
Since I had surgery almost three weeks ago, I only had one blood test done. This gave me a little break in the constant reminder that I am sick and needing to go to the doctors or the hospital. I loved the break and hope it restored my spirit a little.
However today, when I want to the doctors for my blood work prior to restarting my Chemo, I didn’t do very well. In the past I have sometimes shed a tear while waiting in the big special blood draw chair for the nurse to draw my blood. But it was just a little tear without any sobbing or boohooing. It was just a little tear that escaped down my cheek, almost as though it had a life of its own and the rest of me wasn’t even aware of its presence until it landed on my blouse. But today, I became sad and this time the blood draw hurt a little more than usual and I held back the tears while the nurse took out the amount of blood she needed for all the tests the Doctor ordered. After she pulled out the special bent needle that accommodates my portacath and put the sparkly band-aid over the spot, I left the lab and went out the inner door into the general waiting area of the office. I sank into the little sofa closest to me and the tears started. No boohooing, no crying, just silent tears. Since there were several others in the waiting area, I quickly put my dark glasses on and just sat to recover for a few minutes. Gone is the bubbly girl that danced into the office months ago sporting purple hair, twirling around so all could get the full effect of my beautiful purple tresses. In her place is a cautious woman, who walks carefully in her Sketchers, so as not to lose her balance, physically or emotionally.
I think I have figured it out. As long as I am at home, I don’t have to think about being sick. I just try to do the normal things that everyone tries to do on a daily basis. But…when I have to go to the Doctors, there is no fooling myself. I have to admit to myself that I HAVE CANCER. There it is. I have cancer and I cannot ignore it when I am at the Doctors office. I cannot pretend that my turban-wrapped head is a fashion statement. I have no hair. I have no choice. I have to deal with this. AND now I will have Chemo for another 4 to 6 months. No escape here. I must face the facts. But, according to my Doctor, we are going for the cure. That is the reason for the six more months of Chemo. I actually think I am starting to believe that we might be able to kill all of this cancer. Only time will tell. My Doctor thinks it is possible.
06.10.09
Digital Television Conversion
This Friday, June 12, 2009 is the day that all TV stations must switch to digital signals. the switch happens in the morning. That means that you must either:
1. Get a converter Box for your older style TV. And then get an antenna or pay for cable.
2. Get a newer TV that has digital capabilities and get the correct antenna.
3. Hook up to cable TV.
If you have been following Portland Firefly’s weblog for a few months, then you know that I chose the second option and I am VERY happy with my choice. I purchased an HD TV after I moved to Portland and had cable for a year. At the end of the year, the price I was charged for cable became outrageous and I cancelled it one day. The next day, I purchased a $20.00 antenna and hooked it up to my TV myself. After rescanning the channels, I receive fabulous pictures in HD and my monthly bill for cable is … 0, that is Nada, or Zip, or nothing at all!!!
True, I have limited stations — right now I think I get about 30 channels. And I had to go through the withdrawal of Fox Cable News Channel and CNN and TLC channels, but for the amount of money I have saved I am quite OK with it. Actually I have saved enough money by going without cable to pay for my new TV. I now rent movies at the Red Box at the grocery store and I am considering getting a contract with Netflix for my movies. Netflix will be more convenient for me with my rigorous Chemo schedule as they deliver the movies to my mailbox.
So, to recap. If you want free TV, get an antenna and hook it up to your TV. If you have a newer TV, an antenna is all you need for free TV. You will then be receiving programs in High Definition. If you have an older TV, then you need to get a converter box and an antenna to continue to get free TV. Or you can support the cable companies and sign up for a contract with one of the cable companies. As for me, I love my free TV with just the cost of a (very reasonable) antenna.
06.09.09
Father’s Day
This is your early reminder that Father’s Day is on Sunday, June 21st. You still have about 10 days to get your card in the mail!!!! But… don’t delay…. wouldn’t it be more fun for him to get your card way early so he can enjoy it? I remember that one year I sent my Father about 20 cards spread out over a two week period… about one every day!!! It was fun for me and for him!!
06.08.09
My Favorite Rose Parade Float
Portland is known as the City of Roses because roses grow here so easily and beautifully. This gift to our area is celebrated each June with the Rose Festival which includes the Grand Floral Rose Parade among other fun and unique events. This last weekend was our festival weekend this year.
The parade was on Saturday morning. And you may recall that Saturday is when we had our neighborhood garage sale, so I missed the parade. Not to worry…. it was rebroadcast later that evening when I was too tired to move! So I just sat in the recliner and enjoyed the parade!
There were a large number of beautifully decorated floats that would rival any in the Pasadena Rose Parade. There were many, many bands, including the US Marines from Camp Pendelton, California., but most were representing Oregon’s High Schools. The Boy Scouts of Oregon were out in a large walking contingent and each troop carried its own flags. This meant that there were hundreds of uniformed Boy Scouts and their leaders marching in a loose formation with each troop carrying a Boy Scout Flag, a US Flag, and their Troop Flag. That is three flags per troop. Each troop only sent about 5-10 boys and so it was a very moving group that marched in front of the spectators with perhaps a hundred US Flags being carried. I loved it!
Then there were all of the beautiful Rodeo Queens from around the state on their beautifully groomed and decorated steeds. Another fun group were the women who were part of the royal court from 50 years ago – 1959. These women came from all over the United States to participate in this years parade and they were riding in beautifully restored, vintage 1959 vehicles. That was a crowd pleaser.
But I have to say, my “favorite” float was not even a float. It was a car with a man riding on it. We have a Legend here in the Pacific Northwest that all of the world heard about in November, 1971…. The Saga of D B Cooper played out in the skies between Portland and Seattle. You may remember that D B Cooper hijacked a 727 stretch aircraft and demanded a ransom of $200,000 and two parachutes. He then had the pilots take off from Portland and head to Seattle. He parachuted out of the aft stairs of the aircraft somewhere along the flight path and was never found. Although about $6,000 of the ransom money was found by an 8 year old boy in 1980 on the banks of the Colombia River.
Anyway, this parade entry consisted of a Mini-Cooper (pun) convertable being driven by the FBI Agent who worked the original D B Cooper case. Seated on the back of the car was a D B Cooper “look-alike” wearing a parachute and the thin tie that D B wore. I loved it!!! But then, one might expect this entry to be a Flight Attendant’s favorite!
