September 30, 2008
Hard Boiled Eggs
Burnt Hardboiled Egg by PDXFirefly
I didn’t even know it was possible to do.
I never even thought about it.
But today I did it.
I burned hard boiled eggs!!
I didn’t boil all the water out of the pan. I just cooked them way too long. They looked just fine on the outside, but when I broke them out of their shells, you could see that the normally pure white eggs were a rich carmel color. I hope you can see the color difference in the picture. The background is actually a sheet of white paper.
Oh, and they tasted just fine!!! They didn’t taste burnt at all!!!
A Clothesline
Clothesline by PDXFirefly
I put up a clothes line this summer. I have a wonderful covered patio that gets a nice morning and afternoon breeze. It is just steps from the house and since the patio is covered, I don’t ever have to get rained on…we do live in Oregon, remember?!
I decided to put up a retractable clothes line one hot summer day when I didn’t want to run the hot clothes dryer inside the house. That is about the same time that energy prices started to hike upwards. OK, I’ll save some money on energy, I thought. But the biggest bonus has been the savings on fabric softener. Our grandmothers didn’t have “fresh scented” fabric softeners. They didn’t need it. They had fresh gentle breezes drying their clothes out on a clothesline. And now, so do I!
I did have to look around for some clothespins –I wanted special ones. And then I had to find a “clothes pin bag” something to contain the clothes pins. Usually they are made to hang on the clothes line within easy reach when hanging your clothes out to dry, but I couldn’t find one. So…. off to The Dollar Tree. Yes, that store that sells everything in the world for just 1 Dollar! I bought a cute little fuzzy little girl PURSE. Then I had to decide what I wanted to use as a laundry basket. So another trip to another favorite discount store to find just the perfect sized wicker basket with the liner that matches my sea-foam/sage laundry room. After several months of perfecting my “clothes hanging techniques” I have given up using the “clothes pin bag/purse”; now I just toss the clothes pins into the bottom of my laundry basket!
My motivation for putting up the clothes line was to save a little on energy. The bonus is that nothing can replace the natural fresh scent of my clothes when I bring them in the house. I feel like that commercial, where you see the Mom deeply inhaling the fresh scent of her towels, as though they are some sweet ambrosia. My dish towels, tee-shirts, bath towels and my bed sheets and pillowcases have the most amazing freshness!! All this because I wanted to save a little energy with the clothes dryer.
September 25, 2008
Advice for my Friend
You have told him what you want. Now, pull back and give him what he wants – some time to think about it. Tell him the things that that he wants to hear — Sweet Nothings — and terms of admiration and appreciation. Don’t even mention the thing that is foremost on your mind.
September 21, 2008
Farm Lands
I grew up in a suburb of Los Angeles and led a fairly urban life except for our camping vacations every summer. Anyway, my favorite high school date was born in Nebraska. On a farm. “On a farm!” I replied, “do they still have farms?” The answer was “Yes, of course, where do you think your food comes from?” Me: “It comes from the grocery store!” He: “and where does the store get it from?” Very naive me: “On the trucks from the store warehouse!” Needless to say, he set me straight about where my food really comes from.
I tell this story, because something interesting occurred to me today on the way to church. As I looked over to my right I could enjoy the symmetry of a newly cleared field — this just a few blocks from my home. The area south and west of me is largely beautiful, fertile, Oregon land with many vineyards interspersed among the produce farms. It was then I realized that for the entire time that I lived in the Midwest, I lived near farmland– so near that I had farm dust in my houses… no matter which mid-western state I lived in.
For a young girl who thought that farms were obsolete, I have spent most of my life making up for that mistake by dusting rich delicious farm dust off my tables and vacuuming it up from my carpets and floors!
September 20, 2008
Class Reunion I
My high school class reunion is next week-end. Even though I live far away, I am planning on attending. One year, I “got the prize” for traveling the farthest. But there wasn’t any prize!!!! This year, even though I will be travelling far, it won’t be as far as before. We’ll just have to see who shows up from where!!
One disappointing thing is the small number of people planning to attend… only about 1/7th of the class. True, some have passed away (from life and war), but where are the others??? Why won’t they be attending? I think it has to do with confidence in life. But, you know what…. just getting to different stages in life is success! True, we may not have been best friends with these people, we may not have a lot in common with them any more, but it is part of the fabric that makes us who we are today. It is the responsibility of everyone who attends reunions to make the others feel comfortable and establish a connection if possible.
At one memorable reunion, it was easy to tell who most people were. The women were even more beautiful as love and life had allowed them to grow into their natural beauty. But, the men….the MEN had changed the most. No longer were they boys with adolescent faces, lanky limbs, greasy hair. They had matured into the most gorgeous men. Charming, smiling, confident men. The one that had changed the most had been short, and stocky with a ruddy complexion in high school. Now he was tall and handsome, (his natural growth coming late in college), charming all the women and letting only one or two people know his identity. He got the prize for “Most Changed”. But I don’t know what prize he got either!
In any event, I am looking forward to the evening and renewing acquaintances.
Have you attended any of your class reunions? If so, why? If not, why not??
September 19, 2008
Billion Dollar Babes
Isn’t this title intriguing? My daughter & I signed up for a series of “pampering specials” offered in Beverly Hills and since I am a high maintenance woman, I figured a little bit more high maintenance couldn’t hurt! And it might even be fun! Like so many things in life, there is a time-limit on it. A year seemed like plenty of time to make a few trips to LA, and get pampered. It has been at least 6 months so far and I have yet to get “pampered” once. That is about to change…. Plans are being made for the first pampering in October. Look for the update later! I may not look like a Billion Dollar Babe, but I bet I’ll feel like one! And that feeling will carry over into my attitude and so…I’ll look like one!!!
September 18, 2008
Skin Care II
Second Installment:
Drink 8 glasses (at least) of water daily.
One way to get the 8 glasses of water is to get a 64 oz container and fill it up in the am — and sip on it all day. When it’s gone, Voila! 8 glasses have flushed out the toxins and fat! Beauty.
September 17, 2008
The Story of the Tea Cup
“Then, WHAM! I was placed on a spinning wheel and suddenly I was spun around and around and around. ‘Stop it! I’m getting so dizzy! I’m going to be sick!’ I screamed. But the master only nodded and said, quietly, “Not yet.” He spun me and poked and prodded and bent me out of shape to suit himself and
then…
Then he put me in the oven. I never felt such heat. I yelled and knocked and pounded at the door. ‘Help! Get me out of here!’ I could see him through the opening and I could read his lips as he shook his head from side to side, “Not yet.” When I thought I couldn’t bear it another minute, the door opened. He carefully took me out and put me on the shelf, and I began to cool. Oh, that felt so good! ‘Ah, this is much better,’ I thought.
But, after I cooled, he picked me up and he brushed and painted me all over. The fumes were horrible. I thought I would gag. ‘Oh, please; Stop it, Stop it!!’ I cried. He only shook his head and said. “Not yet!”. Then suddenly he put me back in to the oven. Only it was not like the first one. This was twice as hot and I just knew I would suffocate. I begged. I pleaded. I screamed. I cried. I was convinced I would never make it. I was ready to give up. Just then the door opened and he took me out and again placed me on the shelf, where I cooled and waited… and waited, wondering what’s he going to do to me next?
An hour later he handed me a mirror and said “Look at yourself.” And I did. I said, ‘That’s not me; That couldn’t be me. It’s beautiful… “I’m beautiful!”
Quietly he spoke: “I want you to remember, then,” he said, “I know it hurt to be rolled and patted, but had I must left you alone, you’d have dried up.” “I know it made you dizzy to go around on the wheel, but if I had stopped, you would have crumbled.” “I know it hurt and it was hot and disagreeable in the oven, but if I hadn’t put you there, you would have cracked.” “I know the fumes were bad when I brushed and painted you all over, but if I hadn’t done that, you never would have hardened. You would not have had any color in your life. If I hadn’t put you back in that second oven, you wouldn’t have survived for long because the hardness would not have held. Now you are a finished product. Now you are what I had in mind when I first began with you.”
The moral of this story is this:
God knows what He’s doing in each of us. He is the potter, and we are His clay. He will mold us and make us, and expose us to just enough pressures of just the right kinds that we may be made into a flawless piece of work to fulfill His good, pleasing and perfect will.
So when life seems hard, and you are being pounded and patted and pushed almost beyond endurance; when your world seems to be spinning out of control; when you feel like you are in a fiery furnace of trials; when life seems to “stink”, try this…
Brew a cup of your favorite tea in your prettiest tea cup, sit down and think on this story and then…
Have a little talk with the Potter.
September 16, 2008
Portland Moon
Did you see that beautiful moon last night!!!!
It was incredible!!!
A big deep red/orange globe against the navy blue sky!!!
Not the light orange of a harvest moon, but the deepest rich red/orange color you can imagine. And the sky!!! It must have something to do with the latitude here because I don’t ever remember seeing a sky the deep color of navy blue that it was last night. It was a deep rich blue, but not dark and blackish.
The smoke from the California wildfires has colored our atmosphere just enough to filter the color of the moon for us here. Tonight, I’m taking a picture of the moon, if I can; check in tomorrow to see if it came out!
On The Wing- Vaux Swifts
I was just made aware of a unique natural phenomenon here in NW Portland. It is the migration stop of a huge flock of Vaux Swift birds. They sleep at night in the chimney of an old school. and it is how these thousands of birds go into the chimney at night that is the reason for the excitement. A young Portland filmmaker, Dan Viens, has made a documentary of this phenomenon. And I am quoting from the web-site www.swiftsmovie.com with his permission:
“On The Wing is a new documentary which tells the story of Portland, Oregon’s Chapman Swifts.
Each fall these birds roost in the chimney of a Portland elementary school and put on an amazing nightly aerial display to the delight of hundreds and thousands of observers.
The event has become a cult phenomenon over the past 15 years and is a shining example of people choosing to coexist with nature rather than smoking it out. “
This documentary was filmed right here in NW Portland at the Chapman School where these amazing birds roost here in the fall while migrating south for the winter. The movie will be premiering at Cinema 21 on Thursday, Oct 2 as a benefit for the Audubon Society. www.cinema21.com
On The Wing captures the community, energy and excitement of the entire Swifts phenomenon.
Want to see the real thing???? Then you can join the crowds on the lawn each evening in September at Chapman School for the spectacular display of Vaux Swifts gathering to roost in the school’s chimney. Portland Audubon volunteers will be present each night with information about the swifts, binoculars and a spotting scope for viewing. This page gives the most comprehensive info on going to the school for the watch! http://www.audubonportland.org/local-birding/swiftwatch/swifts Be sure to click on Frequently Asked Questions for more info.
You can take a blanket and your picnic dinner and your binoculars and watch the people and the birds!! I intend to go tonight! For information about other showings of the movie, please visit Dan’s website www.swiftsmovie.com. And let us know what you think! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7iZi1KWGLRs
photo by Steve Warner
September 15, 2008
Skin Care I
First Installment:
When you wash your face ( am and pm) rinse it well.
“Splash” rinse your face with warm water 20 times and then 10 times with cool water every time you wash. You will have water everywhere, but you will notice an improvement in your skin within days. Beauty.
Class Reunion coming up
My High School Class Reunion!!!! OMG!!! How long HAS it been since I have seen these people?! A few years!! Maybe I can loose another 10 pounds before then!! H-m-m-m. Probably not. Better figure out what I can realistically do. OK. New Outfit … New Shoes…maybe! Get my hair highlighted… Probably. Manicure.. Pedicure… for sure! Make the plane & hotel reservations… Rental car or not? Lots to do for a few hours of fun!
September 14, 2008
An Egyptian Shawl
While on a very special trip to Egypt several years ago we took the Nile cruise from Aswan to Luxor. One would settle in on the “ship” and then it would stop at all of the important temples along the Nile river. The Nile is one of only a few rivers in the world that actually flows north. Egypt had been a third world country for many years and is mostly very rural farmlands with poor inhabitants. One day, midway in the 10 day cruise, as we were disembarking in a particularly poor area for our land tour to a remote temple, something unusual happened. The Captain of our ship was waiting on shore as we disembarked, and I had never seen him do this before. As I started to walk by him, he stopped me and covered me with a beautiful native sheer white shawl. I looked at him quizically wondering why, but I thanked him immediately. Before I could say more, and seeing the questioning look on my face, he told me that this shawl was “to protect you”. When I offered to reimburse him for it , he refused, saying it was his gift to me to “protect you from evil” and that I should wear it all day. I did. He covered me with a mantel of protection and I still have the shawl.
It is precisely moments like this that create the times of our lives and they create the memories of our lives.
Aggie – in memorium – 9/7/08
Aggie & Baby
Our extended family lost one of it’s most beloved members last Sunday. Agatha, commonly know as The Mole, but only called Aggie by me, passed away. She was the pet dog of my Son and his Wife.
She was THE Ring Bearer at their wedding, wearing a sage green poncho sweater (co-ordinating with the sage green wedding theme) lovingly made by one of the bride’s dearest friends. The rings carefully were tied to the neck of it. Aggie quietly stood on the sidelines waiting the time when she was to present the rings; which she did at the correct place in the ceremony. What a delight to everyone there! She was good for as long as she could be and then, getting bored with the solemnity, she wandered over to my chair. I grabbed her collar and attempted to keep her from wandering more which worked for a short time. She tugged and pulled and so I released her since she was heading back to her “waiting” place. She certainly made that wedding memorable!
Then came the Baby. Since Aggie and her “partner in crime,” Beef (what a name for a dog!), are both very large dogs, there was some concern as to how they would be around the newborn. Not to worry! They were wonderful. During the pregnancy, Aggie became very protective of my Daughter-in-law, but that was nothing once the baby was born! No one could even come on their property without her letting everyone know that an intruder -expected or not- was afoot. Aggie was always near the baby, loving him and protecting him. As a Grandmother, I had no worries because I knew that no one would ever be allowed to harm our precious baby with Aggie around.
She became unexpectedly ill three weeks ago. They made many trips to the vet, sparing no expense to help their beloved pet, even giving her blood transfusions. They knew that she was really sick, but they didn’t really think that she wasn’t going to get better…they just thought that they had to get her through this difficult period of illness. Aggie let them know that she wanted to be home and not in the vet hospital so they lovingly nursed her at home. Then, on Sunday morning, she asked to go outside. While in her favorite place she let her last breath leave her strong protective body. Her passing was so unexpected that one hardly knows what to do without her.
We can only be thankful that we had the opportunity to have her grace our lives for a while. Like most of our pets, she brought so much joy to our lives, that somehow we end up being better for having had the opportunity to have them enrich our life.
September 13, 2008
Wind Chimes
I love wind-chimes. I love the deep sonorous one and the tiny little tinkling ones. I love the beautiful music that they make when they are gently tickled by the wind. I do not think that anyone should ever buy themselves wind-chimes; I think wind-chimes should be given and received as gifts. I think that whenever your wind-chime sings, you should be reminded of someone — and that person should be the one who gave it to you…. Or the person in whose memory it was given.
September 12, 2008
Chariot Races
Tonight is a Chariot Race type of night. What is that you ask? Ah-h-h …a very special evening. A warm clear moonlit Summer night is essential. The night must be warm, but not too hot and sticky. Preferably cooling down enough from the heat of day so that the grass begins to cool.
But why call it a Chariot Race Night? Because that is the best time to have a “Chariot Race.” What is required? A chariot and some horses, of course! Oh, but not just any chariot and not just any horses. The Chariot must be strong, sturdy and one piece. The Horses — size and strength matter only in relation to the number of them and whose turn it is in the Chariot.
We always use a strong sheet for our Chariot. It is actually one that I keep on hand to protect tender plants from frost. But a piece of canvas, or a blanket, or a tarp would work just as good. It is easier if you have something to hold on to. Color and decoration do not matter. It is night time.. remember?!
Now for the Horses. Well, If you want a ride in the Chariot, you have to take your turn pulling the Chariot!There has never been a shortage of horses as everyone wants their turn in the Chariot, too. It is a good idea to “walk the course” and remove rocks, and dangerous objects. Make sure the horses have good “shoes” on, so they don’t hurt their feet!
Now, just get in your Chariot and have your Horses pull you all around the yard as fast as they can go!!! The light of the moon, and the warmth of the night, the giggling, and joyful screams make for an unforgettable night of magical fun for all!
September 11, 2008
ABFM Grand Slalom update
I was able to check on my times for my three slalom runs and as I indicated earlier, all three were absolutely clean with no penalties. Good for us. As I was looking over the results, I noticed that my name was in a very respectable place. Not bad, I thought for my first time; it would have been fun to win a ribbon or something first time out, but no complaints! Then I started looking more carefully at the results sheet. I am the top placing female in my car class!!! Now THAT makes me feel great!!! Thank you Baby Jag!
2008 ABFM Grand Slalom
When I moved to the NW, I joined a car club. We have drive-outs, dinners, and events where our cars are on display. Over the Labor Day holiday, there was an event at PIR (Portland International Raceway) called the All British Field Meet- which involves British made cars and motorcycles.
One of the things that we were able to do was to slalom race our cars. Helmets required —three timed attempts at the course. That reminds me, I need to call someone and see how I placed. It was so much fun, that I really didn’t care about where I placed in the event. It gave me the opportunity to see how my sweet Baby Jag handles under tight course conditions under my attention with no speed restrictions. This car was designed for just these conditions and it was exhilarating to get to know her qualities (and my own) better under the closed course driving competitions.
Are people like that? We are designed for life. We get to see the true worth of a person when they are under the stress of a closed competition. Do your better qualities come through under stress? Do they give you that extra confidence so you know how you will handle in extreme conditions? Do they give you the confidence to push the limits of your performance? Is winning more important than the thrill of the personal contest? Is where you place more important than what you learn about yourself?
I ran each of my three timed Grand Slalom runs cleanly. I never missed a gate, I never missed a cone (2 -360 degree turns). The course starts off to the left with a gentle slalom through several gates; then a hard left 360 degree cone (keep off the grass!) which is followed by a tighter slalom down a straightaway to the last 360 degree cone which is followed by the tightest slalom gates ending with a straightaway run. I forgot to tell you that there was a strip of gravel after the last 360 cone that you had to cross to get to the last set of slalom gates. I took the first run slow and easy (well, compared to the next two), getting to know the course and just how hard I wanted to push the Baby Jag and myself.
The second run, I decided to go for it! Well, as I was smoking in to the last 360 degree cone, I noticed that there were some people in front of me –maybe 50 feet away–but not far enough if I lost control or hit some gravel. What were they doing there????!!! They must have thought that I did this for a living — I bet they never would have been there if they knew I was a novice! Anyway get rid of the distraction…focus on the 360 degree cone turn …. focus … turn hard … brake … accelerate… turn… turn… accelerate more… turn some more… opps…I have go w-a-ay-y over there! Focus… H-m-m-m this is more than a 360 degree turn … it is more like 360 plus another 45 degrees..at least! Oh, well, lets drive fast to our left way over there to that cone/gate…. Squeal….. Brake…What was that??? UHG..gravel….I forgot about the gravel……Oh my goodness…..There is a gate I have to go through, but to go through the gate, I have to turn back to the right. Turn.. turn hard –OVERCORRECTED! Probably because the AWD kicked in the second it felt the gravel—good Baby Jag! Whew… as we made it through that gate I wondered if I knocked over the cone - I’ll find out later that I didn’t. …..now where to?? Way back over there to the right! Accelerate…brake… turn… Overcorrected again … accelerate … But we made it through all the gates without knocking over any cones or penalties! Now, FLOOR it and go for time!!!
My third run driving intensity was somewhere between the first two even though it was my best time. I just wanted to drive clean and fast. BUT…. those stupid people were still there at the final 360 degree cone turn. What are they doing there??? They actually look like they are having a picnic!! Get out of the way!! I leaned on the horn and came smoking in with the horn singing!!! That got the attention of the folks having the picnic as well as in the grandstand! And they loved it!
Some of my friends had been in the grandstand watching, but not knowing for sure who was driving which car until I took my helmet off and put on my sun hat. After the event, they were talking as I walked up. Any way, it turns out that my intense driving was the crowd pleaser! Particularly as I came out of the last 360 degree+ turn into the gravel right in front of them on my second run. They said that the crowd collectively sucked-in their breath in one huge gasp. Evidently it looked as though I was going straight into the wall. “What wall,” I asked my friends? “I never even saw the wall; I was focused on those silly little orange cones that I had to drive through!” My driving caused some thrilling moments for the watching crowd!! If they only know how thrilling it was for me!!!! Baby Jag deserves a nice rest and I have yet to completely wash the number 9 off of her windshield because, everytime I look at it, it reminds me of a fun event and we both smile!
Parallel Runways
Our regional Hillsboro airportairport services a large number of corporate jets, business planes and a flight school. The Port of Portland held an “under the radar” community meeting tonight (9/11)! to introduce a proposal to the community to expand the airport. None of my neighbors, or the local business people that I had contact with knew about the proposal or the meeting.
The proposed expansion involves the construction of another runway — this one to be built parallel to one of the existing runways. The new runway will also impact (destroy) existing wetlands which provide habitat to wildlife. With this new runway, I am sure that the homeowners can expect an increase in air traffic over our little sleepy suburb. This increase in air traffic will increase our air pollution, and increase noise pollution, and decrease property values. Since part of the reason for the expansion is because of the increased traffic at the flight school, an increase in student pilot air traffic is not conducive to air safety.
The Hillsboro airport is closly surrounded by businesses and homes. It has a limited amount of land there which is the reason they have to make the new runway parallel to an existing one; still encroaching on the wildlife wetlands. My personal biggest objection is the fact that the proposed runway is parallel to an existing one. I feel that this is a disaster waiting to happen. Inexperience pilots crossing a busy runway used by corporate jets, confused while trying to get to their hangars, trying to find the right taxiway, the right runway, the right path to cross, etc. I had many years of flying into and out of the Lambert/St. Louis airport. It has parallel runways. There were many narrow misses, go-arounds and aborted take-offs because another plane had yet to taxi completely clear the runway or the taxiway. There were also fatal accidents. And these were with experienced pilots who had had many years in commercial aviation most after having been in the military and were very familiar with the runway situation at the St. Louis airport.
I just feel that our little bedroom community of Hillsboro does not need the increase in air traffic, the increase in noise pollution, the increase in air pollution, the increase in student pilots flying above our neighborhoods and schools and the multitude of resulting problems that this runway expansion would create for the homeowners of Hillsboro.
September 9, 2008
Purple Hair
My beautiful, talented Daughter has the coolest hair. It has been purple for several years and now she has her beautiful blond tresses shading from deep purple to turquoise. I actually love her hair in shades of purple the best —for some reason it just suits her and her effervescent personality! When she was a teen, I would allow her to “dye” her hair for special costume occasions. I was probably hoping that if I allowed her to do this “rebellious” thing that it would keep her from doing something really harmful. Besides it was fun – for all of us! I think it worked because she is a fabulous, successful young woman who has made a positive name for herself in the LA tech community.
And so she has given me the “recipe” for safe, non-toxic, non-permanent cheap coloring of your hair. Use Kool-aid! Yes, I said Kool-aid! The stuff you used to drink as a child; some of you still drink it. The TV ad with the big pitcher with the happy face on it! Here we go…..
First and foremost, you must only purchase the sugar-less or the kind where you add your own sugar (which you do not add). Reason? You do not want sugar on your head because the flies, bees and bugs will also want to be there! Mountain berry punch is suggested as the color of choice because it evidently gives good coverage, but you are limited only by your own imagination! You mix it in a small amount of conditioner – enough to make a paste- and apply it to your clean hair — as a colored conditioner. You may want to use gloves to protect your manicure! You may need to mix in three or more packages depending on how thick your hair is and how deep you want the color and how light your hair color is to begin with. Then pile your hair on top of your head, cover with saran wrap and wait at least 1 hour. The timing depends on hair length, texture, amount of Kool-aid, etc. You can clean up any mess you made during this time. The longer you leave it on, the longer the color has to penetrate the hair shaft and the deeper the color will be. Gently rinse the excess conditioner out and dry your hair as usual. You can also color just the ends of your hair, or a section of it; the whole idea is to have fun and be creative! Rainbows anyone??
When you are tired of your fun hair color you simply shampoo it. You may need to shampoo your hair two or three times to get all the kool-aid color out, but hey, what fun you had!!! This blogher is not responsible for any inacuaracies or mishaps!!! But, let us know how it went!
Crystallizing Thoughts
I have always been a women able to envision the possibilities not only of life, but also of homes. And so every house that I have lived in has allowed me to make changes that created a warm loving home. My move to PDX is no different; and the house I purchased was bought with many changes in mind. This last six weeks found some of those changes actually being done! Renovations are never easy — of the house or of our hearts–but hopefully all are better after all the deconstruction and reconstruction! I will say that my house improvements provided an unexpected means to personal renovation, if you will, that was totally unexpected and unsought. It came gradually through the conversations with the contractor over the weeks. A strong, solid Christian man, he & I shared thoughts on where we are in our lives today. His observations caused me to look into past hurts deeper than I have wanted to for the last three years. I guess those bitter Midwest winters had changed this Sunny California girl into a stoic American Gothic farmwife who just didn’t want to face the aching pain any more. I preferred to just go on day to day, keep aloof and not deal with everything from the past. And actually not even moving on –just existing emotionally. Keeping only “safe” (family) loves in my heart…ones that couldn’t hurt me too much. Pushing away, avoiding the prospect of, and not even wanting to allow another to get close. Unable in many ways to really get out of the deep depression of long stress even while putting up a very good front not only for others, but myself.
Anyway, as our conversations slowly evolved over the weeks, I began to realize specific qualities that I needed to see in a man. Prior to this, I had vague ideas of some of the desirable qualities I wanted to see, but mostly I knew what I didn’t want to see in a man. I was able to make the distinctions that crystallized things in my own mind. There is a big difference in knowing what you don’t want and knowing what you do want. The difference is staggering to me. And so, not only did the external house that I live in get changed, but my most personal house , where my life is truly lived, was changed also. Crystal is said to be stronger and clearer if it goes through fire, is cooled, then is fired again and so on. I am still going through the firing process and today nothing is “crystal clear” to me except that I have a long way to go.
