October 5, 2008

A Momma Hug

Posted in Personal, story tagged grief, grocery store, hug, Momma, momma hug at 9:54 pm by pdxfirefly

My Mother had passed away about a year earlier and I thought that I had “handled” my grief well and appropriately.  We had a wonderful relationship  based on love and respect and I lovingly cared for her at the end of her life.  Life goes on and we continue to do the ordinary things that living involves —going to the grocery store being one of them.

And so, I was at my local grocery store one day.  And as occasonally happens, I kept “meeting” the same woman as she would travel up one aisle, I would be going down it and then we would come around the corners and meet each other again, going the opposite way on the next aisle over.   I noticed her immediately because she reminded me of my Mother… not in her looks, but in the way she carried herself and in her hair color and style.   The first time I saw her, I just noticed the resemblance, but the second time I saw her, I couldn’t even get to the end of the aisle before I realized that I was sobbing, almost uncontrollably.  I stopped there in the aisle, crying, my hands covering my face , just sobbing quietly for many minutes.  Eventually, I was aware of a kind gentleman – standing a respectful distance away - asking me if I was alright and could he help me or do anything for me.  I tried to smile and thanked him, told him no, and that I had just seen someone that reminded me of my mother who had passed.  He nodded that he understood.  I said that I’d be alright, but kept crying, because it just seemed what I needed to do.

  Many minutes later, I was composed enough to dry my tears and try to continue my shopping.  When I got to the end of the aisle, and turned the corner, there she was again coming right toward me!   ” What do I do?”  “Do I tell her?”  “How would this total strange that I had never seen before react  to a tearful daughter telling her of the resemblance?”  I decided that she had given me a gift by just showing up at the store when I was there.  It was so good to see a living person so resemble the vibrant life that had been my Mother that I decided to tell her.    While I was telling her what had happened, I asked her a favor.   I asked her if she would please give me a “Momma Hug”.   She replied “Yes, I would be happy to give you a Momma Hug.”  And so this beautiful spirit of a woman granted this grief stricken daughter one last loving Mother’s  hug there in the middle of the aisle in the grocery store on a sunny summer day in Kansas.

I think that people that we see who remind us strongly of those we have loved that have passed are a gift to us.  It always gives me such a feeling of peace when it happens, which isn’t often.  I have made it a point to tell stranges who remind me of loved ones the gift they have given to me and I thank them for just being there.

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